integrity

A different Sunday update post

(sorry no fun remodeling, more like ridiculous modeling)

I am using it as an assignment of sorts. 

A report for myself.

 Maybe even a confession :)

But I thought, this was the exercise I needed.

Clay and I have been taking a personal finance course in our stake organization through church. We meet each Sunday afternoon for 2 hours. I will admit, this is one of my favorite things I have ever participated in.

 Who knew?

I call it my personal church.

 There are 10 of us from all different places in our life with one goal. To improve. When the class was announced a few months ago,

 I had this thought come to me that I needed this. 

And Clay was down with it, so here we are on week 8.

It's not all about finances though. 

It gets to the root of things and so much of it(for me) is to assess where I am at. 

Okay, so last week we did a survey.

Here were the questions you answer with this key:

1=never,2=sometimes,3=often,4=always

Question 1: I keep all of my promises, commitments,and covenants(promises between me and God)

Total 4...

Question 2: I am completely truthful in things I say and in the records I keep

Yes, absolutely...4

Question 3: I do not exaggerate to make things appear better than they are

PAUSE

hmmmmm

do I?

Do I really make things look better than they are?

I mean, that is kind of my thing...?

huh

sooo.....ok, not about clothing or design or houses

it's about my life

ok, I might

I mean, sometimes

don't we all do this?

i don't know

do I?

I thought about my blog

I have resisted getting a nice camera. 

So many times I wanted it to look better. 

I have resisted trying to make things appear better than they are.

I pull my phone out and snap away at what I see.

and then write about it. 

But there were times I really wanted to be honest about what was going on with me. It was easier to talk about our remodel or the kids or Clay's new job, our move...everything really... except for  what I thought or what I was feeling or to be honest...not feeling.

Sometimes, people who know you well might be the very people who make the quickest judgement. 

Or you get labeled forever and that to me...is the worst.

So I refrained from much of my personal feelings that were negative. I don't have the energy for them anyway.

Ask Clay, I can barely hold a grudge. 

But then i realized I was up front about things and I hope I haven't made my life seem...better than it is or was.

for the hundreds of broken shells on the beach there are pristine ones

the ones that stand out and you admire

that perfect one on my knee

 the world we live in now, we can present ourselves any way we want to.

 we can be that perfect shell. 

choosing integrity seems integral right now to who I am. 

one of our class members remembered a quote last week and shared it...

 "it is more important to be trusted than loved"

it has been rolling in my mind all week.

I am far more interested in the flawed but real lives around me.

Assessing that I have been truthful and have not made things better than they are here = I give myself a 3 for often.

 I often share but oftentimes I am in a waiting mode for an outcome, a landing of sorts...so, I don't share. 

I think most of us are like this. But maybe I do that because I want to only present the better parts.

So....yeah..there is my confession.

the prettiest rose in my yard is a total nightmare under the blossoms

full of daggers for thorns

but you can't see that, it's just pretty

I watch her walk in from basketball everyday. 

No one knows how she wishes she could do art, choir, theatre or all of it right now! 

(well, I guess you know now)

How she quietly works so hard.

 I hope in her future those blessings will come in time.

she is such an example to me💚

this is her girl jock portrait :)

So here I am in the middle of Los Angeles after eating some seriously good mexican food. The truth of this photo is, I saw the palms with the lights so we walked down the alley and had him shoot a photo of me in a top I made. I actually did not want to 

go out at all.

 But I love him, so we went :)

I am trying to log what I make when I wear it, to just be authentic versus staged.

I mean, there are a thousand or more sewing mavens out there. all looking wonderful and very talented. And their hair! oh so perfect.

 I wish I cared that much :)

But this is me.

(fyi: I did crop a dumpster out of this photo)

haha

integrity✔