March came and went :)

March all summed up here.

In a very low key way.

Embracing turning 51. 

When you turn the age you met your mother in law at...suddenly things get real. haha

It's been a wild month of my own personal turmoil.

I'm not even sure I should be writing this...it's late, I could royally say all the wrong things. But if this is supposed to show my life with its ups and downs, then what I say can't be wrong. 

I'm just scared of letting it out. 

First things first, I chopped the remaining pandemic off my hair.

I just wanted it off me. 

I had been patient through it all and then right as the mask mandates were about to lift I joked inside that now I was an anti masker. 

I am so tired of everyone saying what's right and what's wrong but it's clear to me it was estimating guesswork all along.

I'm glad to have them off. To see people again. And the way people smile at things. 

Well, now I sound weird.

:)

I would rather potty train than teach another child to drive. 

But here we are again.

I hate it because I yell a lot in that passenger seat.

And I hate that.

Audrey first and then Henry. 

Clay and Chester thought it would be funny to cover the jetta for Audrey!

I am trying to hard to be faithful.

I have grown so weary of people.

Of hearing "truth".

I wrote the words down for us Californians spoken by our prophet.

I believe him.

March is for daffodils and salads.

I'm not good at much but I am an excellent salad maker. 

Paul and Janet stopped by!

I didn't cry but I sure wanted to when they left. I didn't want them to leave. I hope they find a spot in Oregon and we can have weekend lunches once again...just not a 5 minute walk over :(

purple at the beach?

Here for it.

Reflections

Lunar New Year

I love this city.

It's perking up!

hallelujah

Life with teenagers can feel discouraging.

He is still 12 and I can bribe him with his favorite place in town so far for dinner.

It made me feel good.

collections from mavericks during low tide!

Now that I found the San Benito House for sandwiches, 

I am only going to eat there for lunch now.

Little Shop of Horrors tech crew and band pit.

Henry learned all the music for the show in 3 weeks!

Audrey had bad shin splints and spent the week doing crew. She loves it :)

My birthday table :)

It was lovely.

Trying to embrace this new phase of 50's.

It doesn't sound right to me.

This past year, my body, my heart, my brain have been through a transformation but this time I didn't seek it out. 

I want to improve. I feel so wiped still. 

We have been trying to figure out how to have Clay home more. 

It's not right for him to quit his job and it's not right to pull up stakes again and move back to Los Angeles.

What gives then?

I have squandered time. 

But I think shouldering the upbringing of my children without back up is quite unique. Clay wants to be here. We want him here and yet...no. 

Keep that job. Stay here. 

The 2 don't match up very well. 

I've deleted instagram a few times this year (already!). 

I made it 30 days...I broke down around my bday. 

I was trying to make it to Easter!

I gave a whole stake conference talk about not comparing.

I generally don't but when 51 comes around you kind of feel invisible.

Invisible to your children, to younger women, invisible on the streets, in a store, etc.

I realized I may become far more interesting in my 70's :)

I have some thoughts about my time like...

why am I not making things?

 why haven't I started my booklist? 

I digress :)

5 days in on 51 

(probably shouldn't write sleep deprived)